How to spot a kook in surfing
What is a kook? What should you do to avoid being called a kook? Here's a to-don't list for those who want to look cool.
Surf culture can be merciless. And someone who pretends to be a surfer will certainly be called a kook. Surf kooks are everywhere - carrying surfboards inside the mall, exercising muscles on the boardwalk, and driving the highway with the board through the side of a car.
However, kookiness has nothing to do with learning how to surf. A novice surfer doesn't necessarily need to live through the kook phase. You're "allowed" to make mistakes and wipeout. That's life; no worries.
But if a weekend warrior who knows how to ride a wave paddles out wearing a Fedora hat, he will be named kook of the day. If a pro surfer claims a last-minute wave when he needs a score from the judging panel, he will be called a kook.
So, what is a kook? A kook is a pre-beginner surfer, an aspiring wave rider, a nerd, or someone who tries - and fails - to mimic the surfing lifestyle. Kooks are careless, odd, exotic, and ridiculous. They disrespect the nobility of surfing.
You can usually spot a surf poser by the clothes and apparel he/she wears, the bold behavior on the beach, and rude attitude towards other fellow surfers, or the way a wannabe surfer enters the water.
Learn how not to be a kook in surfing. Take a look at the most comprehensive list of kook actions and behaviors, and make sure you avoid them at all costs:
Paddling with nose of the board points to the sky;
Displaying multiple surf stickers on the surfboard;
Dropping in on someone with a smile;
Using booties during summer;
Forgetting to wax the surfboard;
Riding a wave until fins are buried in the sand;
Performing strange and innovative pre-surf warm up exercises;
Carrying a shortboard on the head;
Asking someone to take your photo with a flat ocean in the back;
Wearing helmets in a one-foot summer day;
Wearing boardshorts under and over a wetsuit;
Rehearsing pro surfing maneuvers on the beach;
Adopting an extremely low stance in the whitewater;
Showcasing original traction pad placements;
Wearing a life jacket;
Paddling for a closeout wave;
Pearling the surfboard in one-foot surf;
Waxing up the nose of the board;
Paddling with chin touching the board;
Not using a leash in a crowded lineup;
Ditching the surfboard;
Ignoring channels and charging through breaking whitewater;
Letting go of the board in front of whitewater;
Wearing a leash all the way back to the car park;
Attempting to throw an aerial in the whitewash;
Pumping energetically for speed on the flats;
Paddling with both arms simultaneously;
Calling fins "skegs";
Nosediving and letting the board hit someone;
Catching whitewater rollers;
And if you're really committed to not being a classic surfer-dude, then get "The Kook's Guide to Surfing," a delicious instruction manual for surfers and non-surfers alike, and watch the timeless short surf film "Kook Paradise."